my world, my voice

She said No!

2010-04-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

I've actually had the weirdest day today. I woke up feeling empty, without feeling or desire. This went as far as my hearing. Everything around me just sounded like noise. And I don't mean good noise. Even my favourite tunes were just....noisy!

I have tried to figure out where this was coming from. Of course, I had a late night but surely that could not be it. I constantly sleep late because of my short bouts of insomnia. Funny thing is, even as the day went by, it didn't get any better... until now. I haven't managed to do anything all day because of this feeling. I was too irritable to work. Now I feel kinda guilty.

I write this not to whine about my day and get sympathy. I write because my body has taught me an important lesson. Or maybe she has reminded me of this life lesson. To always listen. She spoke and I was not trying to have it. She wanted a break and I was bent on pressing on. She rules, so I'm now listening.

I'm going to take that break and indulge in a good book. That always get's me going. And hopefully after my journey through storybook land, I will have back my sense of peace and wholeness; and be me again!

FREEDOM OF OPINION

2010-04-29T06:51:00.000-07:00

I was once told that I am opinionated. I could be....who knows? I sure like to share my thoughts with people :). But is that such a bad thing? I always look at it as practicing my freedom of speech. Telling it like it is.

So when does freedom of speech cross over and become the big O? Is it when the person next door doesn't want to listen to your opinion because they know too well that you may be right about the topic of discussion? Or is it when your voice begins to sound like a broken record?

I always say that it's fine to voice your opinion, as long as you are not forcing it on other people. By putting it out there, it may just touch someone. If it doesn't, oh well... it definitely makes you a better person for sharing a part of you with somebody else.

There I go again...practicing my freedom of opinion :)

MISSED CONCEPTIONS

2010-04-29T03:37:00.000-07:00

The following is an excerpt from a conversation I really hate to have with people.

Man/woman: Hello there. What's your name?
Me: Hi! I'm Rhoda.
Man/woman: So Rhoda, what do you do with yourself?
Me: blah bah blah....(this is how it gets for me when I start answering this question. I don't even seem to hear myself speak.)

I find myself constantly tempted not to answer this question and just walk away. Have you ever noticed how we are continually defined by what we do?

Forum: Tell us about yourself?
Rhoda: Well, my name is Rhoda and I am a producer.....

There is just something about society that tells us to identify with our jobs/careers and the money we make. Even when the situation does not warrant these details, we always find solace in describing ourselves as such or find others asking the “what do you do” question. Whatever happened to character?

Forum: Tell us about yourself?
Rhoda: I'm an ambitious, honest woman that loves life, loves adventure. I am not very patient and can be reckless at times. Maverick is my middle name :)
Rhoda(voice in my head): Will you take that for an answer?
Forum: (awkward silence)
Rhoda(voice in my head): I guess not!

Let not your job or money define you. You are your character and that is much more memorable than what you do or how much money you make.

ages of time

2010-01-25T01:31:00.000-08:00

Our world was not always like this. There was a time when my culture flourished across these lands. A time when man lived side by side with nature and nature accorded much respect for what it was; sacred.

But much of this is now gone; tucked away in books of history, where it is considered myth or legend because the ones that now live, vaguely remember it. And although some may be drawn to the truth, they are afraid of it. Afraid to be judged by a world where modern religions and culture reign supreme.

Who could blame them. Their ancestors were branded pagans for worshiping Ngai on Mt. Kenya and for sanctifying the Mugumo tree. Their traditional healers were cursed, and are still trying to shake off the witchdoctor tag. Ancient civilizations that once flourished, are now replaced by foreign systems of governance.

What could the Great Zimbabwe teach us, that we are lacking today? What cures for ailments are we missing out on, because we have moved away from the wisdom that is enshrined in African traditional medicine?

The movie Avatar has got me thinking. That world was no different from traditional Africa. We may not have been riding on dragons, but the relationship and balance between man and nature was synonymous to our past life. The life potrayed on Pandora was so pure that it got some audiences depressed after having watched the movie, because they wished to live like the Navi.

Their reactions may sound kind of extreme, but I believe that this is a yearning for truths. Truths that did not survive the ages of time.

PERSPECTIVES

2009-09-10T07:32:00.000-07:00

On one of my many travels to the remote areas of Kenya (in this case it was Isiolo), a colleague of mine asked me whether the children in the village that we were filming, knew anything about dolls. He was obviously amazed at their outmoded way of living, and felt that they were missing out on all the luxuries that the city had to offer.

I thought it funny that he would bring this up considering that a few days back, we had been discussing how the neighbourhoods in the city have no playgrounds for children play on. Many have either been turned into car parks, or have been grabbed by some individual.

The children in the village may not have dolls or toy cars to play with, but they wallow in the natural beauty that surrounds them. They get to enjoy spaces that are as wide as the sky is endless, and breathe that fresh air that is ever-so lacking in the city.

I grew up in Nairobi, and when I listen to some of my friends who grew up in the village, speak fondly about the adventures they had when they went hunting, fishing or swimming in the rivers, I must say I get jealous. I mean, I could share some of the adventures I had in the city, but they would never come close.

I think it’s probably why I love spending time in the wilderness; camping or otherwise. The tranquility, the sounds, the spaces, the air, the sunrise and sunsets; its beauty just sets it apart.

So my response to my colleague was: “They may not know about dolls, but I doubt they are missing out on anything. It’s all about different perspectives.”

BE STILL AND LISTEN

2009-09-04T11:16:00.000-07:00

Keeping time is often lauded as professional or good manners. I must say that I have always been a good timekeeper; in fact I thought I was one of the best until I met another different kind of timekeeper. I have never come across this type of time-keeping. In fact, I find it very rude.

I won’t get into details, but sometimes I feel that when you are too precise with things, you lose the beauty of the moment. We always see things and touch things in our everyday rush; but how many of us get to experience that minute?

If only we could just be still and listen. Listen to the sounds of the birds chirping and wind howling. Listen to the sound of children playing and the surrounding conversations. Listen to the sound of that loud matatu or even the emptiness of space. It’s all a part of the fabric that makes a day what it is.

I always admired Africa’s traditional concept of time. Still do. It’s not the usual clock-ticking modern way of telling time. We would rise up with the sun and set with it; but what made it so special was that we always recognized that we were a part of nature and nature a part of us. The two were inseparable.

And so it should be, even today!

FAIR & LOVELY?

2009-09-04T06:36:00.000-07:00

I have a feeling that if I walked down the streets of Nairobi, and asked people what their favourite colour is; many of them would say black. What is ironic about this scenario is that the many who say that black is their favourite colour, are actually deathly afraid of it. They may not know it, but society has a way of playing it right into their minds; and if you are sharp enough, you may catch it.

For years now, a certain company has been running an ad about a product of theirs. The product, which goes by the name of fair and lovely, is a skin lightening crème, which of late, is being marketed at young, impressionable minds. My worry is what the ad is doing or has done to the young consumers of it.

This is the ad: A beautiful black young lady goes for a job interview, but doesn’t get the job because of her dull skin tone (read:black). She resorts to using fair and lovely, and tries again for the same job. This time she lands it. Her reason: If fair and lovely had not brightened up her complexion, she would never have gotten her dream job of being a TV presenter.

Funny thing is; fair and lovely has even gone on to host career-fairs for high schools, without even a protest note from anyone. Can you imagine the kind of attitudes that they are moulding in these young girls? Whatever happened to being dark and lovely? Who will stand up for those?

In my opinion, this ad should have been withdrawn a long time ago. It’s in bad taste, especially because it is marketed at the black-African population. Come on….we love the colour black. Or do we?

THE ELUSIVE NO

2009-08-12T00:04:00.002-07:00

The boy wanted to kiss you for such long time, and all the while you evaded this moment. Then somehow it happened. He kissed you, and your first instinct was to say no to his advances, but somehow, the word never really came out. You were too afraid to hurt his feelings.

They offered you a job, and all you could think of was that you needed the money. Problem is, the job was actually not good for you because in the long run, it tainted your name. Somehow you knew it would because your sixth sense kept tinkling; but you just couldn’t bring yourself to say no. You were too afraid to be jobless.

Your friend borrowed your favourite book from your library, and in as much as you had read it and would gladly lend it out, somehow you just didn’t want to let it go. Not to this friend at least. You knew her/him too well to know that you may never get that book back again or it may never return in the same state. But you never managed to say no because you were too afraid of being labeled mean.

It’s funny how hard it is to say no to people sometimes. You just keep saying yes, but what lingers in your mind is that elusive NO. I wish people could read minds, so that we wouldn’t have to say the word. It would make things a whole lot easier.

You know, I sometimes envy my niece’s confidence. She’s only two, by the way. She says no to almost everything you ask or tell her to do. And she says it with such sternness, it’s almost admirable. The innocence of a child…..We sure could borrow some of that candidness.

telling it like it is

2009-08-12T00:04:00.001-07:00

December 30, 2007 was a day that we would all like to forget. But the events that happened on that day and the days that followed, will forever remain etched in our minds, because they marked the beginning of the end for many.

There had been a growing hunger amongst the Kenyan people for a long time. Not just the physical hunger, but a hunger for change; a desperation for that which would redeem them from the jaws of poverty.

For years the poor had watched the richer get richer, and themselves, poorer. They had watched resources meant for them, stolen by leaders who pledged to improve their conditions of living.

In a country like Kenya, where the ruling tribe is seen to wield more influence and is more likely to gain from presidential patronage or ethnic advancement; a lost or stolen election means going back to a place of thwarted ambitions, wishful thinking and frustrations.

And our leaders took advantage of this fact. The result: over 1200 people dead and many more looking for justice. Tribalism was just the coating. The violence was a war of the haves and have-nots, the poor verses the rich.

This story is almost as old as time; replicated over centuries of human existence. It’s a story of the Rwandan Genocide or even the French Revolution. It’s a story of what happened that shouldn’t have happened, if lessons are learnt and not forgotten.

Kenyans forget very fast, is what Kenyans themselves will tell you. And looking at the political scene in Kenya right now, our leaders have surely forgotten the pain and sorrow they caused us.

What if?

2009-08-12T00:03:00.000-07:00

I often wonder how many paths there are in life; and when do you know that you have taken the right one. How can you be absolutely sure? When God answers a prayer, does that mean that this is the path you should follow? What if he takes long to respond? Does this mean he wants you to weigh your options? And when he doesn’t respond at all; what does that mean?

I ask these questions because of late, I’ve been thinking a lot about some of the things I’ve wanted to do with my life, but have never gotten around to doing them. There just never seems to be enough time.

You know that question they always ask you when you are a kid. What do you want to be when you grow up? I honestly do not have an answer for this even today. I always wanted to be so many things and I still hold that desire. Being the dreamer that I am, I remember a time when I wanted to be an astronomer so that I could stare at the stars all day. Like how crazy is that? I even wanted to practice archeology because I believe it holds the key to life’s secrets. I wanted to uncover these secrets. Still do.

For most part, I believe that what attracted me to these things was the thrill of discovery. I have now taken other paths and found new ways to quench my thirst for adventure. But there’s always that lingering question; What if?

I’m now on a quest to find out how best I can answer that “what if” in my life. I may not become the astronomer or archeologist that I so desired to be; but I do plan to stare at the stars all day and uncover life’s secrets.

Earth

2009-08-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

Can you feel that emptiness?
So hollow, so cold, so dark and so lonely

Can you fill that emptiness?
With presence, with warmth, with light and with friendship

Can you protect her?
She chokes, she drowns, she thirsts and she is dying

Can you dry her tears?
She has cried for far too long

She is your mother; your creator
She is life!

Protect her, because you have no other.

EARTH - she bleeds.